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Download Lectures on Biostatistics (1971).
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Snow on December 18th                             Roaring fire

Lindy contributes acute comments regularly here.  She is also an accomplished musician.  She has kindly allowed me to post here four of her re-written carols.

Adam lay ybounden  |  Hark the Herald  |  Holly and the Ivy  |  Merry Gentlemen

Adam lay ybounden

The Middle English dialect is not easy to follow. In fact Wikipedia reveals that it is oit even standard Middle English, but Macaronic English. The original words are reproduced in the right hand column.  The original, sung by choir of King’s College Chapel, is on YouTube.

Atoms lay y’bounden

In primordial soup;

Six billion years did pass

A’fore they could regroup.



For first had bin a big bang

The universe was shook;

Though through milennia

For god it was mistook.



Then particles of light did shine, ema-

-nating from the sun.

Out of soup arose archaea

And so life was begun.



Thanks be to the man

This mystery did solve;

Through him we celebrate how we

Did from the bugs evolve.


Adam lay ybounden,

Bounden in a bond:

Four thousand winter

Thought he not too long.



And all was for an apple,

An appil that he took,

As clerkè finden

Written in their book.



Ne had the apple taken been,

The appil taken been,

Ne had never our lady

Abeen heavenè queen.



Blessèd be the time

That appil taken was,

Therefore we moun singen,

Deo gracias!

.

 

Hark the Herald Angels sing.

This version is for Simon Singh. If you haven’t yet signed the new peition, please do it here.

Mark this very dang’rous thing,

Story is of Simon Singh.

He got chiropractors riled,

“Sod it! We have been defiled!

Ployful all ye woosters rise,

Join us to defend our lies,

With us loudly please proclaim,

Subluxations are our game”



Christ, they all with one accord

Took young Simon off to court.

“We’ll put you before a judge,

Since we always bear a grudge

‘Gainst all those who say our modus

Operandi is all bogus;

Mark the words of justice Eady,

Gave his ruling oh so speedy.



Mark the case of Simon Singh

With support the web does ring.

Ditch draconian libel laws,

Without which they’d have no cause

To sue those who would speak freely,

Truth, opinion-and reason really

Should prevail o’er all such things,

Surely he his case must win.

 

The Holly and the Ivy

Dedicated to the Prince of Wales, certain vice-chancellors and other champions of the endarkenment.

The folly and the lies, see

How they’ve become full-blown;

The braying of th’quackti’tioner Roy-

Al, th’enlightenment has flown.



Refrain: For deriding all the data

(Such stunning stuff we hear)!

The displaying of such cherry pick-

-Ing, beats bringing in Chi square.



The folly hears no critics

It makes you quite struck dumb,

Just put a poison substance in,

And dilute to kingdom come.



For deriding all the data etc.



The folly so does blossom,

Beguiles you with its charm,

Just make some movements with your wrist

And it will do no harm.



For deriding all the data etc.



The folly’s given credence

If you are qualified

With a BSc in pseudosci-

-Ence, th’endarkenment is nigh!



For deriding all the data etc.



The folly bears a burden

Now it has fallen down;

F.O.I requests and publicity

Have giv’n D.C. the crown.



For deriding all the data etc.



The folly is so fickle,

How did they have the gall

To tell us how their remedies

Were here to treat us all?



For deriding all the data etc.



The folly and the lies, see

How they must surely fail

We’ll drink a toast to good evidence

And let real science prevail!



Alternative refrain:



Oh the rising of the Reiki,

Of acupuncture too,

All Rolfering* and Tuina-ish,

They all amount to woo.



*The names Rolf and Roger seem remarkably similar in some circumstances so I get a little confused.


 

Merry gentlemen

Here is Lindy’s version of "god rest ye merry gentleman", composed in the wake of the admission by the Professional Standards director of Boots the Chemists that they sell homeopathic pills despite being aware of the fact that there is no reason to think they work.

I arrest you merry gentlemen,

Please kindly step this way.

For you are selling sugar pills

For which the people pay;

We’re from the Trading Standards and through courts we’ll find a way

To stop your profit-making ploy, Profiting ploy,

We’ll stop your profiteering ploy”!



The chemists calmly did defend

Themselves though they were riled;

“The people do demand these pills

Because they’re not defiled

With molecules (nor ‘owt at all), despite the claims so wild;

We’ll continue our profiteering ploy, Profiting ploy,

We’ll continue our profiteering ploy”.



So Trading Standards did respond

“We understand your aim

To make more money, though if you

Persist with bogus claim

To cure disease with sugar pills,

We’ll put you all to shame!

We are stopping your profiteering ploy, Profiting ploy,

We are stopping your profiteering ploy”.





“You breach the regulations by selling pills, you see,

Which claim to contain ‘aqua’ (dilute to 30C),

Or ‘dolphin song’ or ‘canine testes’ – even ‘ATP’!

So you’ll stop all this profiteering ploy, profiting ploy,

So you’ll stop all this profiteering ploy”.



The Dept of Health bangs on and on

About a patient’s choice,

But all good people must condemn

These lies with one great voice.

We dream of days when fibs are gone and we can all rejoice

‘Cos they’ve stopped all their profiteering ploy, Profiting ploy,

‘Cos they’ve stopped all their profiteering ploy

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